You want to lose weight.  So you clean up your diet and you start to exercise.  This sounds like a good plan.

But let me ask you- how did you get to where you are now?  Are you an emotional eater?  Are you someone who does not exercise regularly and lack motivation?

Many people start on a weight loss journey focused on temporary change.  “If I go on a diet, I can lose the weight”.  You have all heard this before.

But let’s look at from an attraction point of view.

If you focus on weight loss, you set up a resistance to food, exercise and a lifestyle change.  Because you are only focused on a number and not the behavior, the thoughts, or the feelings associated with the weight you gained.

As you clean up your diet and exercise more, you may lose the weight you want.  But because you never addressed the beliefs or feelings around how you live, eat and exercise, 9 times out of 10 you gain the weight back.

Problem #1: Temporary change.  You want fast weight loss, you change lots of things.  Then you feel deprived because it was too much change too soon, you consider it a diet and then you rebel and “celebrate” once you have reached your goal-which usually starts the habits and patterns that have you gain the weight right back.

Solution: Clean up your life, not just your diet.  Start to “think thin” like we do on our 6 Week Beach Body Program.  Download the 4 week plan of Fit 2 Love and REALLY do the exercises especially around the food.  Make one change every month so you make it part of your daily or weekly routine.  Post a comment on this blog so I can give you more specific action steps to implement into your life.  I AM a problem solver so let me help you!

Problem #2: Delaying your happiness.  “I’ll only be happy when I lose 10 pounds”.  This statement goes against your inner being and your higher self so your body and spirit say “ then you will never be happy “  and your body says “ if you can’t love me the way I am, then I am NOT changing for you!”  Your “then” never comes.  There is always something else.  You set yourself up to fail IMMEDIATELY and delay your happiness and results in the process.  Accepting yourself where you are, as you are, right now is the ONLY way to make a real shift.  Otherwise, it’s only a matter of time until you and your body go back to the exact state it was in before or worse.

Solution: Find appreciation with your body and health right now. When you do that, you release resistance and your body will shift ad change.  Your body will appreciate the love and positive attention and respond JUST like a person.  You can download the free Fit 2 Love 4 Week Plan and start changing your relationship with your body and practice being happy NOW.  Let’s face it, one of the only reasons you want to lose weight in the first place is because you THINK you will be happy once you get it.  So pretend you have it now and stop delaying the HAPPY PART!  It gets you no where to hold your ground of unhappiness.  You practice that and that’s what you are good at.  So when you get to “happy”, you might not stay there long because you are too good at “unhappy”.

**What you lose, you can find. Don’t concentrate on loss but on transformation and releasing.**

JJ Flizanes is the author of Fit 2 Love: How to Get Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually Fit to Attract the Love of Your Life and Knack Absolute Abs: Routines for a Fit and Firm Core.  She was named best personal trainer in Los Angeles for 2007 by Elite Traveler Magazine and is the Director of Invisible Fitness. JJ’s passion is helping men and women get results with their body and love on the outside as well as the inside. View JJ on video on YouTube or visit her blog at http://www.jjflizanes.com.

**This is an excerp from my book Fit 2 Love: How to Get Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually Fit to Attract the Love of Your Life.

“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.” Thornton Wilder

Please understand that you are perfect just the way you are right now. The journey you are on is unique and special. There is nothing wrong or broken about you. Your mind and body are working perfectly even when they are doing things you don’t like.

You get constant feedback from your body and emotions about where you are in the moment so you can decide where you want to go next. This is a spiritual journey, as much as a physical and emotional journey, of changing your body and manifesting love from within, as well as from another.

While there are many factors in life that are out of your control, you do have the ability to manage your thoughts and how you react to every situation. How you perceive your experiences will color the kinds of emotions attached to them. Choosing a more positive and hopeful outlook will produce better feelings. There are always two points of view to choose from in every situation: what is working and what is not.

Focus on what is working to practice gratitude every single day. This will not only help you manifest more of what you want, it will also make you happy immediately. When you can control your thoughts and feelings, you influence your happiness. If you find this difficult to do or sustain on your own, talking to someone like a psychologist, counselor, or life coach can help you shift your thoughts and change your feelings. Start by thanking your lucky stars.

What is Gratitude?

Gratitude is appreciation for people, places, and things, as well as,
for ideas, qualities, and feelings
Gratitude is thankfulness, and I use it like a key
a key to inspire strangers, my friends, and me
a key to life that sets me free
a key to heal insult and injury
a key to awareness, when I refuse to dream
a key to finding forgiveness and feeling peace
a key to manifest my desires, what I want, and who I choose to be
a key to light the dark times, when I can’t see
a key to expressing my preferences, what I love, the real me
a key to feeling the present moment, gently
a key to reconnect me to humility
a key to boundless opportunity, when I get caught in my limited certainty
a key to transcendence, imagination, and epiphany
a key to turn the hardest moment into a glorious journey
a key to the only foolproof system of love in the galaxy
a key to access infinite possibilities
and when I share my gratitude, gratitude enriches you and me
Gratitude is actually the doorway, choice is the real key
The best part about gratitude is that gratitude is always… absolutely… free!

“Gratitude is” by Macarena Luz Bianchi

I filmed the video above on a day I wasn’t feeling so good.  It has been a crazy and slightly emotional week and through it all, I can still focus on what is going well in my life and practice what I preach!

I invite you to watch the video and start to implement DAILY practices into your life that focus you on what IS working instead of what is missing or going not the way you want it.

We all have bad days but HOW you deal with it determines how you create your life.

For whatever reason last night was a tough night. I was feeling lonely, sad and very very tired. I worked a 13 hour day and stopped at Wendy’s on the way home. I was starving and exhausted which did NOT help in my judgment of food choice.  I will say that there was one good thing which was I ordered a Jr. sized meal and a small rather than the Super Sized adult meal plus the chicken nuggets and the apple pie…ok PIES….as I did in the past.  I felt satisfied after eating it and slept like a rock.

And then…

I could hardly wake up this morning.  It literally took me about 5 minutes just to get my eyes open. My face and eyes were swollen and my body felt like it had a MAC TRUCK sitting on it. I felt heavy, puffy, tired and did I mention HEAVY? It was different than feeling FAT it was a heaviness that made each movement a challenge for me.

YUCK! I LEARNED MY LESSON!

So, this morning the protein bars and apples made it into my purse and will live there indefinitely so that I do not find myself without food easily accessible when I’m tired and exhausted because I know that I will be in that position again. It’s unavoidable with my current lifestyle. So, I need to plan and make changes accordingly.

Feeling very lonely lately and feeling as if my life is passing me by. Sometimes when I let my thoughts get the best of me I start to think that 39 is really old and I wonder if I’ve missed out on a lot of things by letting my weight and my dependence on food stop me from really living how I want to live. Would I have the man and family by now? Would I be in a different job or NO job and be working for myself as I have always dreamed? Would I be more successful on all levels? Would I own a home by now? Would I be more naturally active by now?  Would I be out of debt by now? Would I have written that book I’ve always wanted to write by now? Would I be on my way to being the skinny white Oprah by now?  OY! OY! OY!

Then, I have a choice. I can go deeper down that path and get depressed and go visit Wendy again and again and again or I can choose a new thought and look forward rather than backward.

It’s much easier to choose the more positive thought without a Jr. Double cheeseburger in my belly.

Lesson learned.

Lately I’ve been feeling pretty even keel, even flat and dare I say boring!  I haven’t been having my emotional highs and lows to which I attribute a major reduction in the amount of sugar that I used to eat.  I am also not over eating and not emotionally eating as much as I used to. I’ve been taking much better care of myself in all areas. I’m making sure that I get daily exercise outside and am enjoying this new way of life.  So, since I’ve been feeling boring or settled I’ve been feeling that I don’t have much to say or write.  I’ve been more quiet within myself and been enjoying just “being.” Are you up on your “woo-woo” insurance cause you may need to be for this post! Oy!

I’ve almost come into a place of calm or peace with myself and trusting that everything is going to be ok and that everything that I am going through is for my highest good, learning and upliftment.  There is a peace that wasn’t present before.

Don’t get me wrong! I’ve had my moments!  I’ve had a couple of times when I have eaten because I was anxious, nervous or felt out of control but I have quickly bounced back into my healthy eating which is a huge change from going on a 2-week binge and falling back into, “My diet starts Monday” way of thinking.

Thank goodness for JJ’s support.  Being accountable to her and to myself has been a great help for me.  Consistency has also been the key. Remembering that, yes, I may have lapsed into “bad” eating but I think about how far I’ve come since the beginning of this journey and it gets me back on track.

Something has clicked for me. I don’t want to go back to the old way of eating in the past. I want to be healthy. I want to take care of myself. I want to make myself my #1 priority and I want to treat myself with love and respect and I want to have confidence in how I feel and how I look.

So, I continue with one day, one meal, and one challenge at a time.

Last night was the first night in a long time that I was out with friends and I felt beautiful.  Rather than sitting there and comparing myself to others all night and wishing that I was skinnier or more____ or less______, (fill in the blank…I could think of upteen things!) I was just happy to be exactly who I am and proud of the path that I’m on.  Dare I say, I was comfortable in my own skin (tears).

As for dating, over a week went by and I realized that I had not even checked my online account. I’ve been focusing on me and that has felt so good lately that it’s taken up most of my time and attention.

And I deserve every second of it.

Results are in. After the first two weeks of JJ’s 6-Week Beach Body Cleanse I’ve lost 6 pounds! And that’s even “cheating” for two days of it! Doh!

Feeling much better today. Less tired. 

I was thinking about what I posted last night about how my moods have been much more level.  I attribute that to not eating as much (hardly any) sugar.  Even if I didn’t lose one pound but had the benefit of not feeling like I’m on an emotional roller coaster…THE CLEANSE WAS WORTH IT!!!!

My cravings have decreased immensely. I crave protein over sugar.  Still waiting for more energy to kick in but I think it’s that I still have over 100 pounds to lose and I work like a mad-dog. Long hours-LONG days!

Proud of myself.

I am going to focus on the last one, current relationships, and use a personal example from my own life.  Current relationships can be any person, group or environment that you are currently participating with.

In my case, it’s a group.

About 6 months ago, a client of mine invited me to check out a group that offered support around the areas of allowing, accepting, and trusting in a higher power to better serve those around you.  It was exactly what I needed at the time.

Why I did I need to go?

I need to back up a bit and tell you that I grew up in a very positive, supportive, loving home.  I was allowed to do, be, and say just about anything I wanted and I was given respect and trust from the beginning.  Still to this day on most subjects, my parents support my decisions and question only to learn about my choices or to keep me safe by offering another opinion if asked.

This environment gave me permission to make my choices, learn my lessons and decide for myself what was acceptable or unacceptable behavior in my life. They were great examples in many areas and I know I am blessed to have chosen them as my parents before I was born.

In thinking about having children or even just looking at the relationships I currently have- I saw a need for me to practice accepting things that scare me.  There aren’t that many that really trigger me, but I have a few that I am currently aware of.  I want to be able t o provide my family the loving and accepting environment that I had in order for them to grow in a safe environment.

This group is free and meets often. I decided to pick one day a week I could commit to for many months. When I first started going, I heard success stories of people who had been through much more than I have and I was inspired to see them living a happy life regardless of what was happening around them.

This “inspired” feeling lasted a few weeks and then went away.  I started to not really get anything out of the meetings about a month ago.

But I do see evidence that I have grown by how I deal with clients and friends- I keep my mouth shut more now then I have before.  I can notice where people are and allow them to be there instead of having to push them along faster to get out of pain. When people pay me to help them, that’s what I want to do- HELP.  But I have become better at knowing when to offer my guidance and when to just be supportive.

About 3 weeks ago, I went to a meeting and had a very negative experience.  I left feeling badly and took the rest of the day to undo the damage.  There were many people in the room who are going through very tough times.  My life is going well so sitting in this energy for 90 minutes actually brought me down.

I calibrated to their energy.

Deciding to give it another shot, I went 2 weeks ago.  This time I noticed another aspect of what was happening inside if me.   I was feeling guilty for having a healthy childhood!!!

That was my first big clue that I needed to “graduate” from this particular group and say thank you for the lessons I have gotten.  My life has changed because of it, but now it’s time to go.

I talk about calibration in Fit 2 Love.  Most of the time, it is very hard to avoid.  If you are in a room full of negative people and you stay there long enough, you will start to become negative.

The other reason I decided that it was time to graduate was the talk about a higher power.  Because this is not a religious group, I understand that positioning a “higher power” separate from you is safer for people who are not spiritual.

But in my world, there is no separation of spirit and me.  I find it disempowering to believe that I am less than my higher power or even just separate from”it”.  So to maintain my connection to my source, I needed to acknowledge that this energy cut the tie that keeps me connected to my higher power which I believe is inside of me- and inside of you.

I am glad I went to this group.  It truly has helped me become a better person and hopefully a better parent in the future but for now, I am graduating to the next level of growth for me.  And I am excited to see what that will be!

Take a look at your life- do the people and environments you put yourself in keep you stuck, pull you back or help you grow?

Would you like to take a look at how you can clean the slate in your life for more love, self acceptance and some results with your body?

Join me on the free call,  Sign up here to learn more about what you can do to bring more joy, love and balance to your life everyday.

800 571-5722

www.fit2love.info/freecall

I think I have watched this video ten times already-or more.

I play it for every client I see who I think needs to hear it- which is most of them!

Why I love this video by Marianne Williamson is because she focuses on how we START our day. It’s about having intention, flow, a stable base coming from love, breath, and readiness VERSUS what most of us do (me included sometimes) which is REACT, REMEMBER, and REPEAT all the crap we did, thought and felt from the day before.  Especially when it’s negative.

It’s part of Law of Attraction as well.  I will give you a perfect example of how it can go very wrong.

Last week as I was getting ready for an early client, I noticed that one of our new towels was discolored.  I decided to get upset about it and write my husband a note- this was one of the FIRST  things I did to start my day on the way to the shower.

Since I started off focusing on something negative, the rest of the day went that way.  Traffic was awful and I was late for my first client.  On the way to my next appointment, I got off the wrong exit and turned the wrong way using up all of the spare time I had before my doctor appointment that I was going to use to get an oil change.  I had no more time because I used it up driving in the wrong direction!

Then at the doctor’s office, I had to wait. ( I HATE waiting when I was told I wouldn’t have to).  Anyway, you get the drift.  My day did turn around when I decided to get a $35, 75 min reflexology and massage around the corner from my last appointment of the day.  I had a coupon and I decided I needed some help with my energy shifting!

And it worked.

Most of my mornings, I start off by playing an appreciation game.  I intentionally verbally make a list with a partner what I appreciate and what I am excited about manifesting.  This is to create the positive energy and direct myself into that good feeling place. Or to redirect to a more general place if I happen to “not be feeling it” that day.

Most days, things flow well and I see clear evidence of my efforts in choosing to see the possibilities and stepping over the little things that could be bothersome- they aren’t worth my time.

This “bad” day is not the JJ typical day which is why I had to recall it and laugh.  I know better but now I am reminded how not being deliberate in my thoughts and focus can have me really frustrated!!

It’s all about HABITS.  What habits do you have and how do they support you or sabotage you?

What do you do first thing in the morning?

Do you turn on the TV to see what to worry about today?  Or do you read, meditate, exercise, journal, connect with your family, etc?

When Marianne talks about literally having more time when you meditate, it’s because you ground yourself into who you are FIRST, then you can choose how to process the information coming to you.

Without doing this, you allow your environment to dictate what and how you do and feel.  You become a victim and lose control.  It can be done very differently.

I invite you to change something about your morning routine and see how differently your day goes.  Or how you attract different, possibly better things.

Let me know how that goes.

Are there better exercises for each of us to be doing?  Yes.

Are there more effective ways to change your body fat than some of the methods you are currently using?   Yes.

But the bottom line for a lot of us, is DOING IT and DOING IT CONSISTENTLY.

How do you do that?

Usually the most effective way to get it done is to pay for it.  Hire a trainer or a coach or join a group class.  I understand not all of us can do that however, but it really is the best choice to get moving and have some positive results.

The second is to SCHEDULE it.

Sounds simple, yes?  But even I have had an issue with this in the last 10 months.  I lost my workout partner last year ( she moved) and since then it has been hard to find someone else with a similar schedule, desire and fitness level to replace her.

Having a workout partner is great to keep you on track for just DOING the exercise.  Schedule it in your day, put it in your calendar, let others know you are UNAVAILABLE and then commit to it.

I really get bothered when fitness people want to tell the couch potato who hasn’t committed to ANY movement in months or even years, to go do HIGH INTENSITY INTERVAL TRAINING!!

Ah, Hello????

That MIGHT last a few weeks ( most likely not–unless they paid for it) and then that person reverts back to their old habits because they stepped TOO FAR out of their comfort zone too soon.

My best fitness advice is to DO something and DO IT OFTEN.  Once fitness becomes part of your regular life 2-5 times a week and you sustain it for longer than 3 months, THEN we can modify WHAT you are doing and stop wasting time throwing out options of things you are most likely NOT going to do for long.

Take out your pen and calendar, get ready to email a few friends and SCHEDULE yourself a workout date.  Have some fun why don’t you? 

My mom was here and we were up very late into the wee hours of Feb 9th preparing and sending out emails to friends, family, and the community to let everyone know that “Today is the Day!”

Well many of you tell me that you never got that email.

WHAT????

I can’t control this system I use, which is seemingly reliable most of the time until I find out on a day like last Wednesday that some of you never got the email.

So I owe you something.

People last week got the opportunity to get $1500 worth of prizes when they purchased the book.  The link was supposed to be disabled on February 10th but when I found out that not everyone had the same chance, I left it up.

I made this video for you too!

Click here to view the embedded video.

If you have not gotten your copy of the book and you want one, please visit Fit 2 Love and get your other free gifts.  The page will be disabled in the next few days.

The other reason technology SUCKS is that we have found a few errors in the book.  Some of them I won’t even tell you about because you wouldn’t know it unless you saw the original manuscript.

Some of them you will know.

What happened was that the file got corrupted when it was sent from the designer to the publisher.

I looked at it and GOT SO MAD!!!!  But the problem is that there is no one to blame except maybe my publisher’s computer!  I had an editor, proofreader and some of the endorsements sent notes of changes they saw that were needed. (with that many eyes, I wasn’t worried)

So we will be uploading a new version in the next month or so, if you were bothered by some of these small errors, I will be happy to send you the electronic version of the new one for free and right away.  Just let me know.

As great as technology is (like this blog!) it can really be a pain in the a#s!

Next time, I am sending more than one email.  So consider yourself warned!!

Yes, that’s my confession.

If any of you were watching me however, you would not have noticed.  Here is what I did.  I made gluten free pasta for lunch and added some pesto, a chopped up heirloom tomato and 2-3 tablespoons of grated parmesan cheese.

That’s not all.

Then I finished this gluten free pecan crusted, cream cheese frosted homemade buttermilk spice cake.  I had made 2 gluten free homemade cakes for Labor Day (yes I even made the buttermilk!) and the WORSE thing I could do is keep them in the house.

It’s not often I get to have a gluten free cake.  So when it’s here, it CALLS TO ME.  I know you can relate.

Well here’s the catch.  Food PORTION wise, I didn’t really overeat.  Food CHOICE, I had way too many carbs coming from starch. But the thing that disturbs me the most is that I ate it to FEEL better.

Life has been tough recently and the stress got to me.  I caved.  I am so bummed.

But the reason I am sharing it is because I know you go through it too. Maybe more often than you’d like to admit.  And the fact that I have not “emotionally ate” in SO LONG brought me back to feeling powerless, sad and worried.  And now I can relate to what many people go through every day.

Ok so I had a bad day.  With cake in the house for a week, I didn’t have a really great week but I ate it in moderation and usually the cake was the only starch of the day.  The point is IT HAPPENED, IT’S OVER, TIME TO LEARN FROM IT AND MOVE ON.

Then last week I read WOMEN FOOD AND GOD and it reminded me of how I felt the week before.

Shit happens (sorry there is no better way to say this) and you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going.  I did not use my bad day as an excuse to get down on myself and repeat the pattern.

I love myself and I care about my health and the state of my emotional health.  I know you care about yours too.  The trick is to tap into that when things are crazy and emotions are high.  Eating won’t fix it.  Drinking, drugs, TV, and working too much won’t make it go away either.  Face the fear, sit with it, yell at it, cry, scream and do whatever you have to.  Once you are IN IT,  you will see that the emotion might just pass, just like a storm.

No matter how many storms you may have come your way, I trust you can use your umbrella and dig down to your soul, the part of you that loves you, supports you and KNOWS you are stronger, smarter and bigger than anything you might be dealing with right now.

Eat the cake.  Then throw the rest out and start a new day.  If I can do it, so can you.