1. Family time does not have to mean sit and eat.  Quality time together can be spent doing other activities.  Try to clear the table while people are slowing down to take away temptations of over eating.
2. Traditional meals probably contain high calorie ingredients such as pasta, butter, oil, cheese and sugar.  Be creative and consult some low fat cooking sources on alternative ingredients that will cut several hundred calories per dish using items like egg whites, applesauce, fruit paste, lighter versions (not fat free) and etc.  No need to tell the family–they probably won’t notice!
3. Add some new dishes to the dinner table of salads, vegetable, fruits and broth-based soups.  These are generally healthier choices so you can fill up in these and eat less “empty calorie” stuff.
4. Schedule in your exercise in the mornings.  Ask a friend or family member to join, it will help with accountability.
5. Learn to say “No Thank You”.  You do not have to try every dish prepared or eat all that you take.
6. While in preparation, only sample the food that is necessary.  You could potentially eat 500-800 calories in sampling before you sit down to eat.
7. Eat ONLY until you are satisfied, NOT full.  If you sit at the dinner table for more then 2 hours, you are probably going to eat more then you need to because it’s there.
8. Keep a log of ALL of your exercise and food.  The average amount of calories for an adult between the ages of 30-55 who participates in moderate activity of 2-3 hours a week is 1800 (women)-2300 (men).  The average holiday meal including drinks can average around 2800-3200.  Logging keeps you aware of why the scale goes up and down.
9. Create a 15 min exercise routine that you can do every during the busy times. Add things like jumping jacks, jump rope, bridge, push ups, etc.  You want to have tools outside of the gym!
10. Holidays are stressful times and sometimes depressing for some.  Exercise boosts your body’s production of serotonin, the body’s “happy drug”.   Don’t let stress win!  If you need some support hire a trainer or a coach.  You’ll be glad you had the discipline and you will be ahead of the game for the New Year!

**this is an excerpt from my book Fit 2 Love: How to Get Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually Fit to Attract the Love of Your Life**

“Your relationship with yourself is the central template from which all others are formed. Loving yourself is a prerequisite to creating a successful and authentic union with another.” Dr. Cherie Carter-Scott

One of the tools that was pivotal in helping me manifest and manage all my relationships since 1998 was Dr. Cherie Carter-Scott’s book, If Love is a Game, These are the Rules. It was the first time I really understood the concept that how others treated me was a direct result of how I treated myself. When I could stand back and be objective about my behavior toward myself and what messages that sent out to others, I realized that the relationship I had to focus on most to get what I wanted was with myself. If I was not willing to treat myself like a queen, then how could I expect someone else to?

Your turn.

How do you treat yourself? When you wake up in the morning, what do you say to yourself? Do you compliment or criticize your body? Do you try on clothes, pinpointing all of the negative things you can, secretly wishing you could have someone else’s body?

If you do, you are not alone. This common practice of most women is the exact behavior that drives the fitness and weight loss industry—and I hate it. We focus on perfect bodies and how can I spot reduce this area so I will like myself, or so someone else will find me attractive and valuable? The underlying emotion here is fear. Many spiritual teachers of mine over the years have all agreed that our actions are motivated consciously or subconsciously by either love or fear.

Fear is defined as a feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by present or imminent danger and a feeling of disquiet or apprehension. Fear can be a good tool when you think your life is in danger, but most people live in this emotion all day long with no such threat. Fear is uncomfortable to be in and around. Fear can also be defined as lack of trust.

Love is defined as a deep, tender feeling of affection and care toward a person, such as that arising from kinship or a sense of oneness, and a person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction. Love feels good, and we seek it all the time. We hold others as objects of our attention to give love to, and we want to receive love from others.

Which of these is activated more in your life when you deal with your body? Is it mostly love or fear?

How many times in your relationship life do you attract people who do the same thing or change the way they treat you as the relationship progresses? They start off complimentary and wonderful in the first two or three months, then the compliments stop coming because you either did not receive them or you argued about them.

You trained them how to treat you.

How often do you deflect a compliment? Someone tells you that you look pretty, and you say, “Oh no, I just rolled out of bed, and I am having a bad hair day.” This blocks a compliment.

Many women do it because they have a hard time receiving. You are not allowing yourself to receive the gift because your inner critic does not believe what the other person says. You want to feel attractive, then someone gives you a compliment, and you reject it. Can you see what message you are sending to that person? Why would anyone compliment you again?

Take out a sheet of paper and answer these questions to see what your body blueprint says about you based on every area of fitness and self-care, including exercise, diet, rest, play, and self-talk. We will then work on creating a new body blueprint that can yield more desirable responses.

1. List all the thoughts you can remember you had today, from the time you woke up to now, about how you look or any judgments on your character. For example, if you made a mistake, did you quickly internalize with a thought like “I am so stupid,” or did you think “Oh well, glad I learned that now?” List all of your thoughts in a single column.
2. Underneath the last thought, write a list all the actions you did today, from taking a shower to eating breakfast. Also include things you would have like to have done or should have done and didn’t. For example, you did not take your supplements today.

You should have one long vertical row that contains all the thoughts you were aware of today and all the actions you have accomplished so far. Now make another column to the right of the first one and answer these questions.

1. Next to the thoughts you had, write down if they were positive comments or negative. If you criticized yourself, that is negative. If you brushed your teeth, that is positive.
2. Next to the actions, write down a brief reason for doing that action and whether it came from love or fear. For example, if you wrote down ‘had a cup of coffee, went to work and skipped breakfast,’ do you think skipping breakfast was an act of love or disregard? You know the body needs fuel, so if the reason you skipped breakfast was because you were too busy, you put work before yourself, which sends the message that you are not as important as your work. Keep going through your list and be honest with yourself about the messages you are sending.

What Does Your Body Blueprint Say?

Answer the questions below and identify the message you are sending with each of your answers.

1. Exercise: How do you take care of your body? Do you exercise regularly? What kind of exercises do you do and why?
2. Diet: What foods do you consume on a regular basis? Are they high energy, clean foods that provide vitamins and nutrients for your body? Are they processed, chemically created foods that contain large amounts of fat and sugar with no nutritional value? Do you consume the amount of water your body needs to function optimally every day? Do you ingest toxins and drugs?
3. Rest: Do you sleep at least seven to eight hours a day? Do you unwind before going to bed? Do you take breaks during the day to relax and recharge your mind and body?
4. Play: Do you have fun on a weekly basis? Do you laugh often? Do you feel joy and do things you love every week?
5. Self-talk: How do you treat yourself with the words you use in your mind? If you talked to someone else the way you talk to yourself, how would they respond?

The thoughts you are aware of and your actions are part of your consciousness. You can change those behaviors starting now. But before we start to focus on the steps of changing your body blueprint to build the kind of relationships you want in your life, let’s acknowledge how some of these habits got there in the first place. Why is it this way? Where did these patterns of thought come from?

___________________________________________________________

To order the book or get your free copy of the 4 Week Fit 2 Love Plan, please visit www.fit2love.info

If you ‘d like to listen to a 60 minute call about Your Body Blueprint, you can download the MP3 for free by clicking here.

To listen to the call online, click here.

**there will be a blog post added eventually to this in the future so please watch the video for now and comment below with any thoughts or questions.**

I want to start off by letting you know that this video is my personal example of self talk.  I will add more to this blog in the future but I would love to ask YOU, how do you handle self talk?

Give me an example of something you did well OR ask for some help with a situation you are dealing with.

Comment below and let’s have a conversation about this very important topic!

This is an excerpt from my book, Fit 2 Love: How to Get Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually Fit to Attract the Love of Your Life.

“One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.”                                  Virginia Woolf

We have lost touch with our relationship to food. With at least three opportunities every day to practice receiving the transfer of energy from our meals to our cells, eating has become a source of confusion and conflict, rather than a delightful pleasure. The lack of respect and abuse of food is one of the reasons why our health, as a culture, is rapidly declining. For some of us, the concept of doing anything except ordering in or going out seems like too much work. Our lives are too busy to slow down and prepare a home-cooked meal. Having a food love affair means having a deep, meaningful, respectful, and loving relationship to the food we put in our bodies.

In cultures throughout history, hunting, gathering, raising, and preparing foods was an honored and respected daily ritual. People were in tune with the abundance of each season and the different foods the earth provided throughout the year. Modern living has taken away the need of our attention to this. If you are looking for love, practice these principles with your food first. You have to create a love affair with food to attract the respect of your body and have success with health and weight management. To heal the obsession of dieting and calorie counting, you are going to treat food as your new lover, with whom you see the potential for a committed relationship. Rather than making food the enemy, you want to fall in love with food.

The Courtship

When you meet a man who interests you, the curiosity can be overwhelming. You want to know so many things: Who he is? Where he is from? What does he do for a living? How was he raised? Passion and excitement surround the quest for knowledge about this new person. It is an important step in finding the right partner. I want you to take a similar heightened interest in what you eat. Every day you fill your body with ingredients that make a huge impact on your health, state of mind, emotional well-being, and size of your waist. Take a look inside your refrigerator and kitchen cupboards and ask these questions: How did this get made? How does it affect my body? Where did it come from? Start to be more curious about seeking knowledge of the most vital relationship you already have—your diet. We take for granted what we consume everyday and how it impacts our lives. We are missing the spiritual connection to food.

Imagine you are looking at a red pepper. How does it affect your body? How was it grown? Did the farmers use pesticides on the plants? Was it just picked, or has it been sitting in a grocery store for a few weeks after being shipped from a warehouse? What’s the difference? I chose the red pepper because my husband and I have just started growing our own vegetables, and we have green and red bell peppers. Prior to planting a garden, we were regularly shopping at the local farmer’s market. At the last minute while preparing brunch for guests, I had the direct experience of comparing the shelf life of farm fresh veggies over the grocery store bought version. The store bought celery started to turn brown after two days, while the farmer’s market celery lasted for over two weeks. This confirmed my choice to go directly to the farmers to get my produce as often as possible.

The red bell pepper has many nutrients you want to know about. Studies have shown that red bell peppers have significantly higher levels of nutrients than green. Red bell peppers contain lycopene, which helps to protect against cancer and heart disease. They are a good source of vitamin C, vitamin B6, beta carotene, and folic acid. Peppers contain a large amount of phytochemicals that act as antioxidants to protect against cataracts, blood clot formation, and reduce the risk of heart attacks and strokes. Sounds good, yes? Can you get more excited about eating a red bell pepper and all the wonderful things it can help your body do? If you find yourself more interested in the red pepper, this is good news. You are creating a love affair with food.

In my book, I cover a few more steps and ways in which we engage with food and how it can enhance different parts of our lives as well as our bodies.

I am doing a complimentary class on 3 of these stages at Whole Foods Market Redondo Beach.  Click here to get more info and learn how to register for these classes.

Just like your relationship to a person, food is no different.  Your relationship with food can always be improved and deepened for a more satisfying union!

There are times when I want to be Picasso in the kitchen, so I use many ingredients and enhancements to create a fiesta of flavors in my sauces.  When I was given these tomatoes, I found that I didn’t have  a lot of time so I decided to do this as quickly and simply as possible.  Wow!  I was in shock and amazement at the taste -I had to do it again and again and share the recipe with you.

Start by using a large deep pot (one big enough for the amount of tomatoes you have.  I used a small one the first time and this last batch was bigger)

The tomatoes were from my client’s garden but the onions were from our garden. I turn the heat on low, add some olive oil and lightly saute the onions first

Wash and cut up tomatoes and put them in the pot- saute in olive oil for less than 2 minutes.

You only saute the onions first to get that caramalized flavor- they will be cooked along side the tomatoes to make them softer.

Do not add anything else- no water or tomato paste necessary!  I used to use a little of both and since eliminating it all together, it makes this sauce so much faster and better!

What you can add is crushed garlic (or regular cloves of garlic), basil, oregano, salt, pepper, and anything else you may want in your tomato sauce.

I used fresh basil from our garden plus one or two frozen basil cubes from Trader Joe’s because I wanted more basil than we had!   I also used 1-2 heaping tablespoons of crushed garlic ( I love garlic) so if you only like it, I’d use less.

Cook this over low to medium heat for at least 20 minutes.  Because it splatters, I put the lid on.  This will keep the moisture locked in so when you want to thicken it after blending, cook with the top off.

I added pink sea salt and fresh ground pepper before I starting cooking but save the bulk of the salt and pepper for after it’s all blended so I can really only salt to taste.

Years ago,  I would have used a blender because that’s all I had.  Until recently my mother gave me a Cuisinart Smart Stick- I love this thing.  However, I did not like using it with mashed potatoes- it made the texture weird to me. ( prefer a hand mixer for mashed potatoes)

After the tomatoes cook, I turned the heat off.  This little gadget can be put right in the bowl or pot that you are using to make less mess and easier cooking- love it!

After blending it, I took the stick out and tasted it to see if I needed more salt and pepper. Once spiced the way I like, I turned the heat back on low, put the lid on half way, leaving it open to allow the moisture to evaporate, and cooked it for another 20 minutes or so until it was a little thicker.

Here is my finished product.  I LOVE homemade sauce.  It’s extremely easy and inexpensive.  Plus it’s healthier and more vibrant because we use organic gardening and this produce came right off the tree and from the ground and into my kitchen.

I will be bummed when tomato season ends here.  I do put the sauce in jars but I have not yet taken on “canning” yet so this sauce does have a shelf life in the refrigerator.

So start to finish, it take less than 1 hour but you can put a timer on for the 40 minutes it cooks (before and after blending) and do other things.  Just make sure to put on a timer that has a beeper so when you walk away, it WILL remind you with sound.

And I wouldn’t recommend you go too far…wouldn’t want you to burn the house down because I told you to multi-task!

Happy sauce making!

Benefits:

• Getting more fruits and veggies into the diet
• Eating more vibrationally alive foods
• Getting more enzymes
• Increasing fiber
• Increasing antioxidants
• Changing your relationship with food and self care
• Detoxifying

Dangers:

• Lack of protein
• The “culture”  will talk more about that later
• Harder for the body to break down if you lack the enzymes or have problems with digestion
• Can be time consuming for pre planning and preparation (but not always)
• Lack of organically grown produce based on climate – increase of pesticides
• Lack of sufficient B vitamins like B12 which is needed to convert carbohydrates into glucose in the body, thus leading to energy production and a decrease in fatigue and lethargy in the body. It also helps in healthy regulation of the nervous system, reducing depression, stress, and brain shrinkage. B12 helps maintain a healthy digestive system and protects against heart disease by curbing and improving unhealthy cholesterol levels, protecting against stroke, and high blood pressure. It is essential for healthy skin, hair, and nails. It helps in cell reproduction and constant renewal of the skin. Vitamin B 12 also helps protect against cancers including breast, colon, lung, and prostate cancer.
• Chinese medicine does not support raw food when you are trying to get pregnant or deal with issues of low or stagnate “qi” (energy) in the lower region of the core. Raw food is harder for the body to break down and can take energy away from healing or conceiving.

In preparation for my week of raw food, I wanted to explore and share all the emotions and thoughts about a raw food diet.

First off, I will tell you that I have eaten many raw meals before, had countless vegetarian and vegan meals and even exclusively ate this way for short periods of time in my life for various reasons.

In the Eastern Orthodox Church, where I was raised, Lent was a time where we did not eat meat at all for 40 or 50 days (the 2 prep weeks before Lent).  During college, I would challenge myself to “give up” more each year because I was successful in my practice the year before.

After college, I even got so disciplined that I gave up all meat and fish (as well as sugar and dairy) and ate mostly a vegan diet for 50 days- I got creative and it taught me a lot about my relationship with food.  It was a good way to practice detaching from any emotional triggers with food.  I am thankful that this was the religion I was born into because the practices taught me a lot growing up. Doing any kind of food experiment is easy for me because I have practiced it all my life.

How this experiment got started:

My friend and webmaster complained recently of some digestive issues and I suggested he “go raw” for a week and that I would be happy to do it with him.  Since I am in a raw movie that comes out very soon, I thought I should live the lifestyle fully so I could talk about my experience.

To get me started, I ordered Karen Knowler’s Raw Food Made Simple book which came with a guide to “go raw” for a day and included a few easy recipes.

Karen has a simple, easy going approach to raw food that I appreciate.  She acknowledges that it can turn people off so she takes the stance for people to just try it and to do it as much as you are comfortable with- thanks Karen.  I got very excited about the recipes that Karen shares.

Before her book arrived, I was gifted a different book (one that I will not publically bash) but let’s just say the person who wrote it is an extremist.  His approach, while seemingly easy going by his writing, has condescending undertones the entire way through.  The statements made basically read “if you are not eating raw, you are an idiot.”

As you can imagine this PISSED ME OFF.  I got very discouraged before starting this experiment because it’s people like this that I, and a lot of “meat eaters”, reject for their extreme approach. Trying to calm my emotions, I thought of some of the most respected PhD’s and RD’s that I know like Jeanne Peters RD and Dr. Jonny Bowden- neither of them are raw and both eat meat.

In fact, Dr Jonny did a blog post last year about why he would never become a vegetarian. http://jonnybowdenblog.com/why-i-am-not-a-vegetarian/

I even called Jeanne Peters after getting emotionally triggered by this “book that will remain nameless” to ask her about the benefits and dangers of going raw.  I don’t think I know anyone, I mean ANYONE, more connected to the earth, the soil, food, sun, spirit and science like Jeanne is.  I trust that if this sacred earth mama is not a raw food-ist, then there is surely a scientific AND spiritual reason for it.

Within 48 hours and a few phone calls, I recovered from my slap in the face that “we who cook our food are stupid comments” and began to plan the menu and grocery list.  Going raw for a week is definitely something that requires some time and preparation to get started.

When I was checking out at Trader Joe’s, the guy helping me said “that is the healthiest cart I have seen!”

Here is what I left with!

And this is what I prepped before my “students” arrived to prepare ourselves for a week of raw food.  I decided the day before to sprout some beans to have on hand to make dips and hummus.

Stay tuned for the report!

This week has had many great breakthroughs for me . I want to share this one with you in the format that it actually occurred because I don’t think I could have said it better re-writing it in the blog so I just gave you the whole interaction between JJ and I, with her permission of course.

To give you a quick background…I created a Facebook status update about the content of a guy’s profile I was paired with where his only profile content was that he liked sex and Harry Potter. JJ had a reaction to it. And I had a reaction to JJ’s reaction and so, rather than do my old stuff of binging and withholding, I communicated. It was hard especially because JJ is my coach and someone whom I respect immensely.  Funny thing is, she was coaching me when she probably wasn’t even aware that SHE WAS COACHING ME BIG TIME!

A dear friend brought to my attention last night that even if this lesson is the only thing that I get out of attempting to date, well, that’s pretty damn great! Through this process I have learned that there is nothing wrong with me. I can have an opinion. I can express my opinion and I can stay with myself in the face of disagreement with another. Here is the communication between JJ and myself. I’m proud of both of us.

(me to JJ)

hi JJ,

I need to communicate my feelings about the response to my FB post about sex and harry potter.  First of all on eharmony when you are “paired” with someone it doesn’t mean that he contacted  me or expressed interest in me (he did NOT) it just means that eharmony has paired us based on our profiles that we created for whatever reason so it’s not like these guys are contacting me and i’m declining the invitation. This is not the case, in fact, quite the contrary. I became very angry reading the first two sentences of your response b/c I felt that it indicated that I was getting a lot of interest and i was not giving these men a chance. the opposite is true. I have reached out (made the first move) to about 150 men with two responses. I’m doing my best to stay positive and hold it together and not allow this experience to validate old thought patterns about it being better to be single, etc. so far, my dating experience does validate all of my negative thinking about it and i try everyday to not give up and not give into those negative thoughts so then to read that I need to give THEM a chance was maddening! I’m trying to date but no one is interested thus far!  I would be happy to give them a chance but there’s been no opportunity to do so! I want to go on dates, many dates, to practice. and I’m contacting most people i’m paired up with but I’m getting no response. I will not give up but I think I need more positive comments from you on my dating posts, or no comments, whichever you prefer. but I am trying, I am contacting men and I am reaching out.  That’s the other frustrating thing is that I AM open, I have made my list for my ultimate guy, I had a 2-hour energy clearing on sat. to remove any obstacles from keeping my heart open and to attracting someone. I’m working it as best I know how. One of the cool things that came up for me around my reaction to your post is a stepping into knowing how worthy I am. I took a lot of time and energy to create my eharmony page. Even if mr. harry potter contacted me, i wouldn’t go out w/ him b/c that’s ALL he wrote on his dating page. I wasn’t interested in his profile so I’m not responding and I don’t have to respond just because he likes me (if he DID reach out to me). And what I learned in this thought pattern is that in the past I gave myself to people who liked me even if I didn’t like them. I was attracted to the attention. What I realized today is that I don’t need to do that anymore. I’m worthy of more than that. I’m worthy of dating someone that I AM interested. that was pretty cool to step into today. thank you for affording me that opportunity.
A.

(JJ to me)

Hey Audre
thanks for letting me know.  The way you posted it sounded really judgmental towards this guy and it seemed like contradictory energy to what you said you wanted.(acceptance from others)  It came off very much like you thought he was scum and I didn ‘t think that sounded productive or fair.

It’s a great thing to recognize your self worth, and I can understand what you are feeling. These are challenging times to break patterns and dig deep.  Learning our lessons in life is NOT easy and NOT pretty.

They are EARTH SHATTERING sometimes.  You have a lot of triggers and “old stuff”- most of us do.  That’s why I sent you the info on EMDR.

Didn’t mean to offend you, only here to help and be the mirror.  You were kinda mean about this guy.  You could have just said ” he is not for me” without making fun of him.

I hope you can understand how I am seeing it too.

Sorry to offend.

(me to JJ)

Hi JJ,

Seems like this small interaction is affording us big lessons! good! My two sentences affected you deeply and yours affected me deeply. Light to both of us!

I re-read my post and my experience is very different from yours. I don’t know him so I don’t think he’s scum. I have no judgments about him-I don’t even know him but I DO know that I wouldn’t respond to a guy who only put harry potter and sex as the ONLY content in his profile and no picture or name. I’m talkin’ nothing about what he wants in a relationship, nothing about him, what he does for a living…NADA. Therefore, I think the profile was a joke anyway.  And, I will continue to do posts like this. To me it’s funny and it’s about me coping through this using humor. It’s not about the other person. It’s not personal to these men. Like I said, I don’t know him/them. If this profile was completely filled out and this was a guy seriously looking for a relationship then, you’re right, that would be mean but this wasn’t the case.

I don’t feel I was mean and I didn’t feel like I was making fun of him. Interesting the different filters we have! That’s what makes us all individuals.  Hope we both get great learning out of our deep reactions.

Thanks for your apology but I would like to THANK YOU FOR OFFENDING (which you didn’t offend, you just said what you said and I had a reaction–that’s MY responsibility–and your intentions were loving and supportive which I TOTALLY GET) because it stirred A LOT w/in me and it’s actually having me step stronger into myself more than ever and providing me with great clarity. My biggest issue is being mis-understood. I hate when my intentions are good and they are experienced by others as hurtful. It leaves me feeling sad, angry, frustrated, agitated, and more…and the great thing is that I cannot do anything to fix it or change it for the other person. All I can do is stay steadfast in who I am and stay strong in knowing what my intentions are and, especially now, DO NOT EAT ON TOP OF THOSE FEELINGS! So, all of the above got triggered by your feedback and I have NOT over-eaten. So, again, I thank you. I need this. I need to have differences w/ people and learn to stay in my body and not abandon myself. When I used to have differences w/ people I would make it seem like I’m agreeable to all so everyone will like me—and THEN EAT ON TOP OF THAT SELF-ABANDONMENT. I’m not going to do that anymore. When I have differences, I will hear them, double check w/in myself and either apologize, admit I’m wrong or I will say ok, you have your thought and I have mine but I’m not going to abandon myself to make you (not YOU but anyone) feel better.  Ok, now I’m crying!!! See, your input was a gift!!! thank you again.

I will blog about some of this.  I think this self-abandonment stuff is good for all to hear, especially women.
xo,
A.

For whatever reason last night was a tough night. I was feeling lonely, sad and very very tired. I worked a 13 hour day and stopped at Wendy’s on the way home. I was starving and exhausted which did NOT help in my judgment of food choice.  I will say that there was one good thing which was I ordered a Jr. sized meal and a small rather than the Super Sized adult meal plus the chicken nuggets and the apple pie…ok PIES….as I did in the past.  I felt satisfied after eating it and slept like a rock.

And then…

I could hardly wake up this morning.  It literally took me about 5 minutes just to get my eyes open. My face and eyes were swollen and my body felt like it had a MAC TRUCK sitting on it. I felt heavy, puffy, tired and did I mention HEAVY? It was different than feeling FAT it was a heaviness that made each movement a challenge for me.

YUCK! I LEARNED MY LESSON!

So, this morning the protein bars and apples made it into my purse and will live there indefinitely so that I do not find myself without food easily accessible when I’m tired and exhausted because I know that I will be in that position again. It’s unavoidable with my current lifestyle. So, I need to plan and make changes accordingly.

Feeling very lonely lately and feeling as if my life is passing me by. Sometimes when I let my thoughts get the best of me I start to think that 39 is really old and I wonder if I’ve missed out on a lot of things by letting my weight and my dependence on food stop me from really living how I want to live. Would I have the man and family by now? Would I be in a different job or NO job and be working for myself as I have always dreamed? Would I be more successful on all levels? Would I own a home by now? Would I be more naturally active by now?  Would I be out of debt by now? Would I have written that book I’ve always wanted to write by now? Would I be on my way to being the skinny white Oprah by now?  OY! OY! OY!

Then, I have a choice. I can go deeper down that path and get depressed and go visit Wendy again and again and again or I can choose a new thought and look forward rather than backward.

It’s much easier to choose the more positive thought without a Jr. Double cheeseburger in my belly.

Lesson learned.

Lately I’ve been feeling pretty even keel, even flat and dare I say boring!  I haven’t been having my emotional highs and lows to which I attribute a major reduction in the amount of sugar that I used to eat.  I am also not over eating and not emotionally eating as much as I used to. I’ve been taking much better care of myself in all areas. I’m making sure that I get daily exercise outside and am enjoying this new way of life.  So, since I’ve been feeling boring or settled I’ve been feeling that I don’t have much to say or write.  I’ve been more quiet within myself and been enjoying just “being.” Are you up on your “woo-woo” insurance cause you may need to be for this post! Oy!

I’ve almost come into a place of calm or peace with myself and trusting that everything is going to be ok and that everything that I am going through is for my highest good, learning and upliftment.  There is a peace that wasn’t present before.

Don’t get me wrong! I’ve had my moments!  I’ve had a couple of times when I have eaten because I was anxious, nervous or felt out of control but I have quickly bounced back into my healthy eating which is a huge change from going on a 2-week binge and falling back into, “My diet starts Monday” way of thinking.

Thank goodness for JJ’s support.  Being accountable to her and to myself has been a great help for me.  Consistency has also been the key. Remembering that, yes, I may have lapsed into “bad” eating but I think about how far I’ve come since the beginning of this journey and it gets me back on track.

Something has clicked for me. I don’t want to go back to the old way of eating in the past. I want to be healthy. I want to take care of myself. I want to make myself my #1 priority and I want to treat myself with love and respect and I want to have confidence in how I feel and how I look.

So, I continue with one day, one meal, and one challenge at a time.

Last night was the first night in a long time that I was out with friends and I felt beautiful.  Rather than sitting there and comparing myself to others all night and wishing that I was skinnier or more____ or less______, (fill in the blank…I could think of upteen things!) I was just happy to be exactly who I am and proud of the path that I’m on.  Dare I say, I was comfortable in my own skin (tears).

As for dating, over a week went by and I realized that I had not even checked my online account. I’ve been focusing on me and that has felt so good lately that it’s taken up most of my time and attention.

And I deserve every second of it.