**this is an excerpt from my book Fit 2 Love: How to Get Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually Fit to Attract the Love of Your Life**

“Your relationship with yourself is the central template from which all others are formed. Loving yourself is a prerequisite to creating a successful and authentic union with another.” Dr. Cherie Carter-Scott

One of the tools that was pivotal in helping me manifest and manage all my relationships since 1998 was Dr. Cherie Carter-Scott’s book, If Love is a Game, These are the Rules. It was the first time I really understood the concept that how others treated me was a direct result of how I treated myself. When I could stand back and be objective about my behavior toward myself and what messages that sent out to others, I realized that the relationship I had to focus on most to get what I wanted was with myself. If I was not willing to treat myself like a queen, then how could I expect someone else to?

Your turn.

How do you treat yourself? When you wake up in the morning, what do you say to yourself? Do you compliment or criticize your body? Do you try on clothes, pinpointing all of the negative things you can, secretly wishing you could have someone else’s body?

If you do, you are not alone. This common practice of most women is the exact behavior that drives the fitness and weight loss industry—and I hate it. We focus on perfect bodies and how can I spot reduce this area so I will like myself, or so someone else will find me attractive and valuable? The underlying emotion here is fear. Many spiritual teachers of mine over the years have all agreed that our actions are motivated consciously or subconsciously by either love or fear.

Fear is defined as a feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by present or imminent danger and a feeling of disquiet or apprehension. Fear can be a good tool when you think your life is in danger, but most people live in this emotion all day long with no such threat. Fear is uncomfortable to be in and around. Fear can also be defined as lack of trust.

Love is defined as a deep, tender feeling of affection and care toward a person, such as that arising from kinship or a sense of oneness, and a person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction. Love feels good, and we seek it all the time. We hold others as objects of our attention to give love to, and we want to receive love from others.

Which of these is activated more in your life when you deal with your body? Is it mostly love or fear?

How many times in your relationship life do you attract people who do the same thing or change the way they treat you as the relationship progresses? They start off complimentary and wonderful in the first two or three months, then the compliments stop coming because you either did not receive them or you argued about them.

You trained them how to treat you.

How often do you deflect a compliment? Someone tells you that you look pretty, and you say, “Oh no, I just rolled out of bed, and I am having a bad hair day.” This blocks a compliment.

Many women do it because they have a hard time receiving. You are not allowing yourself to receive the gift because your inner critic does not believe what the other person says. You want to feel attractive, then someone gives you a compliment, and you reject it. Can you see what message you are sending to that person? Why would anyone compliment you again?

Take out a sheet of paper and answer these questions to see what your body blueprint says about you based on every area of fitness and self-care, including exercise, diet, rest, play, and self-talk. We will then work on creating a new body blueprint that can yield more desirable responses.

1. List all the thoughts you can remember you had today, from the time you woke up to now, about how you look or any judgments on your character. For example, if you made a mistake, did you quickly internalize with a thought like “I am so stupid,” or did you think “Oh well, glad I learned that now?” List all of your thoughts in a single column.
2. Underneath the last thought, write a list all the actions you did today, from taking a shower to eating breakfast. Also include things you would have like to have done or should have done and didn’t. For example, you did not take your supplements today.

You should have one long vertical row that contains all the thoughts you were aware of today and all the actions you have accomplished so far. Now make another column to the right of the first one and answer these questions.

1. Next to the thoughts you had, write down if they were positive comments or negative. If you criticized yourself, that is negative. If you brushed your teeth, that is positive.
2. Next to the actions, write down a brief reason for doing that action and whether it came from love or fear. For example, if you wrote down ‘had a cup of coffee, went to work and skipped breakfast,’ do you think skipping breakfast was an act of love or disregard? You know the body needs fuel, so if the reason you skipped breakfast was because you were too busy, you put work before yourself, which sends the message that you are not as important as your work. Keep going through your list and be honest with yourself about the messages you are sending.

What Does Your Body Blueprint Say?

Answer the questions below and identify the message you are sending with each of your answers.

1. Exercise: How do you take care of your body? Do you exercise regularly? What kind of exercises do you do and why?
2. Diet: What foods do you consume on a regular basis? Are they high energy, clean foods that provide vitamins and nutrients for your body? Are they processed, chemically created foods that contain large amounts of fat and sugar with no nutritional value? Do you consume the amount of water your body needs to function optimally every day? Do you ingest toxins and drugs?
3. Rest: Do you sleep at least seven to eight hours a day? Do you unwind before going to bed? Do you take breaks during the day to relax and recharge your mind and body?
4. Play: Do you have fun on a weekly basis? Do you laugh often? Do you feel joy and do things you love every week?
5. Self-talk: How do you treat yourself with the words you use in your mind? If you talked to someone else the way you talk to yourself, how would they respond?

The thoughts you are aware of and your actions are part of your consciousness. You can change those behaviors starting now. But before we start to focus on the steps of changing your body blueprint to build the kind of relationships you want in your life, let’s acknowledge how some of these habits got there in the first place. Why is it this way? Where did these patterns of thought come from?

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To order the book or get your free copy of the 4 Week Fit 2 Love Plan, please visit www.fit2love.info

If you ‘d like to listen to a 60 minute call about Your Body Blueprint, you can download the MP3 for free by clicking here.

To listen to the call online, click here.

William Shakespeare, Henry V.

In our pursuit to “acquire” and create an abundant life, I all too often see more people neglect the foundation of life- health.

In fact, here is a picture that was floating around on Facebook that quotes the Dalai Lama:

In the effort to “attract” ALL that we want, while living in the moment, we can look at the principles of attracting greater abundance, as taught by Chellie Campbell author of The Wealthy Spirit. These same principles can easily be applied to our lives to improve the state of health, fitness and vitality.

When someone feels good, they have more energy.  People with better energy attract more positive energy into their life. Regardless what level your financial goals are, they are most likely higher or a step or two above where you are now, yes?  Wouldn’t it make sense then that you have to be able to handle the next level physically, emotionally, and spiritually?  Without growing yourself as a person to a higher level, how can we expect to receive at a higher level?

In exercise, it’s called adaptation.  Our bodies respond to the stimulus we provide and we adapt to be able to handle it more easily.  If you want to get stronger, (or faster, leaner, etc) you must add more resistance or intensity to create a new level for your body to adapt to.

Let’s look at Chellie’s 6 Keys from The Wealthy Spirit:

1. Think Positive
2. Send Out Ships
3. Count Your Money
4. Swim with Dolphins
5. Survive the Storms
6. Seek Balance and Enlightenment

Now let’s look at how we can apply these principles to our bodies at the same time for more results, greater energy and vitality.

1. Think Positive- on my 6 Week Beach Body Program, our first class is about Thinking Thin. If you think you are unhealthy, over weight, and sick, you keep attracting more of those things and your behavior does not change.  “Thin and healthy” people actually view things differently. They can go to a restaurant and order a salad and really enjoy and feel satisfied. Thinking thin means you reach for water over diet soda because you want to replenish and nourish your cells so they can do their job.  There is a different mindset to being “naturally” healthy and fit and practicing this way of thinking will affect your behavior and therefore your results.  Click here to learn more about the 6 Week Beach Body Program.

1. Send Out Ships: In marketing, this is taking action steps so that the more ships you send out, the more likely some will return with riches and spices for you. Send out ships for your body by using some of your 300+ muscles and 200+ bones everyday. You were born to move, not sit.  Wake up your body everyday by doing something that is physical- even if it’s only 10-15 minutes.  Walk the dog, clean the house, garden, take a class, dance around, climb the stairs a few times, etc.  If you don’t move your body, it will not respond the way you’d like it to later. (or maybe even now!)

1. Count Your Money: Count (or at least pay attention) to your calories! Calorie counting is not the only (or even best) way to pay attention to your food but it is one that gets results and creates awareness.  You wouldn’t stand at the gas station and try to put more gas in your car then it needed, would you?  It would flow out of the tank to let you know that it’s full and can not handle any more.  Well your body “overflows” a little differently but it can still tell you when you have consumed over what you need to function.  Knowing your body fat percentage and calculating how many calories you need to be healthy everyday gives you a BUDGET. Your body budget is really no different than your financial budget.

1. Swim with Dolphins: If you hang out with healthy, happy people, this will rub off on you. If you hang out with people who overeat, over drink and never exercise, THIS will also rub off on you. Your energy will adapt to the dominant energy around you.  Pick and choose who you spend your time with wisely. I have heard it said that you are the composite of the 5 people you hang out with most on every level: health, wealth and relationships.

1. Survive the Storms: Follow the 80/20 rule.  Health is a habit, not an event.  What you practice most of the time will become your new normal. Life happens and can change your plan, but learning how to adapt and keep going is the key to success in every area of life.

1. Seek Balance and Enlightenment: We are human BE-ings, not human DO-ings. Take time every week (if not everyday) to STOP and BE.  Meditate, play, and rest.  The more centered, clear, and positive you are, the more easily you can achieve any goal.

For some free tools to help you get started on a physical, emotional and spiritual journey, please visit www.fit2love.info and www.invisiblefitness.com

JJ Flizanes is the author of Fit 2 Love: How to Get Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually Fit to Attract the Love of Your Life and Knack Absolute Abs: Routines for a Fit and Firm Core.  She was named best personal trainer in Los Angeles for 2007 by Elite Traveler Magazine and is the Director of Invisible Fitness. JJ’s passion is helping men and women get results with their body and love on the outside as well as the inside. View JJ on video on YouTube or visit her blog at http://www.jjflizanes.com.

**this is an except from my book Fit 2 Love-click here to order a copy today and get the entire book in hard copy or Kindle**

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Maria Robinson

You’re tired all the time, you want to lose a few pounds quickly, and are ready for change. Enough is enough. Your body blueprint is not sending the messages you want it to, and you are ready to start over. Time to clean the slate!

We will be attending to four areas of your life to create a fresh start: your body, physical environment, emotional baggage, and current relationships.

Your Physical Body

When dealing with only the body, the first thing I recommend is a detoxification. At a physical level, proper detoxification strengthens our body’s tissues and enhances the function of its systems. This can result in fast weight loss, better sleep, improved mood and focus, as well as a decrease in appetite. Detoxification is a process of removing chemicals and toxic substances from your diet, while entering into a cleansing period by eating foods that help the body eliminate built-up toxins. Not only will you be cleansing your body, you will also have the opportunity to create a new relationship with food.

Hunger is of the mind, while appetite is of the body. During a detox, you have the opportunity to become aware of the difference between hunger and appetite. Keeping a journal throughout a detox can help you become mindful at a conscious and subconscious level of how, when, what, and why you eat. With mindfulness, you get to take back control over your relationship with food.

All cleanses are not created equal, and some are not safe. While you may lose weight quickly, some encourage long durations without eating, which stresses the body, causing adrenal fatigue. Adrenal fatigue is a condition that prevents your body from recovery because your fight or flight response has been triggered too often for too long. Having adrenal fatigue causes weight loss resistance, which means you will have a hard time losing weight in the long run. To find out more about adrenal fatigue or to test to see if you may be affected by it, consult your local doctor that specializes in anti-aging medicine and bio-identical hormone replacement therapy.

At least three new chemicals are introduced into the planet each day, so I recommend doing a cleanse at least twice a year. In fact, we enter the world with over 200 chemicals in our body when we are born. The Environmental Working Group found that samples of blood taken from the umbilical cord of newborns contain an average of 200 chemicals that can cause cancer, brain damage, birth defects, and other serious illnesses. Our bodies have a natural detoxification system, but it is still necessary to assist our liver, colon, kidneys, and tissues at least twice a year so that our digestive system can work more effectively to eradicate these toxins from our bodies. I would recommend trying a detox on your own with the guidelines below or contacting me at our 6 Week Beach Body Program to find out when we host the next virtual detox group.

What to Avoid During a Detox

1. Dairy: Dairy is one of the top allergies that we have, and a lot of us don’t even know that we’re sensitive or allergic to dairy. Dairy also causes inflammation.
2. Caffeine: Green tea is acceptable because there’s half the amount of caffeine in green tea that there is in coffee.
3. Alcohol: Alcohol is toxic to the liver and is also a diuretic, like caffeine. It takes water out of your system. Having less water is going to make it harder for your body to perform all of its functions because your body does everything in water. It loses weight in water. It fights disease in water.
4. Gluten: Wheat is the second biggest allergy foods out of the top five. Gluten is anything made from wheat, barley, and rye. You can find it in many foods as an additive or preservative, so be sure to read labels. You can also find a list of foods containing gluten, as well as gluten-free grains in the 30 Day JUMP Start program that you can download for free at invisiblefitness.com.
5. Fast food: Stay away from fast food, even if it’s the vegetables in the fast food places. If it comes from the garden and onto your plate, that’s great. If it has to sit anywhere and goes through any kind of processes and be around other chemicals, we want to stay away from it.
6. Fried foods and packaged foods: They have fillers and artificial preservatives that are going to make them last longer.
7. Meat: Meat can be hard on the body to digest, and we want to give your digestive system a break.
8. Salt: That doesn’t mean stay away from things that have salt in them naturally, like celery. Celery can actually help lower blood pressure. Just don’t add salt to your food.
9. Sugar: Sugar is another very high inflammatory agent. It’s like cocaine for your body—addictive and not good for you.

10.  Artificial sweeteners, diet drinks, and diet food: These are toxic and made with chemicals.

What to Eat During a Detox

1. Protein: Your protein choices are going to be fish, eggs, tofu, tempeh, edamame, or a protein powder made from peas, hemp, rice, or egg whites.
2. Vegetables: Have at least 3 cups, everyday, of different colored vegetables.
3. Fruit: Enjoy at least 3 servings of fruit a day.
4. Grain: Brown rice, white rice, quinoa, millet, amaranth, and oat.
5. Nuts: Almonds, walnuts, pumpkin seeds, chestnuts, cashews, and peanuts.
6. Drinks: Water, green tea, herbal teas that are non-caffeinated, fresh-squeezed veggie or fruit juice, and mineral water.
7. Oils and dressings: Vinegar, olive, grape seed, coconut, and walnut oils. Apple cider vinegar, olive oil, and a touch of mustard make a tasty homemade dressing.
8. Snacks: Hummus, olives, celery, carrots, dried apricots, and prunes. For example, celery with hummus or almond butter. You can mix and match anything above for a snack, as well from the protein, fruit, or veggie categories.
9. Supplements: Fiber, make sure to get at least 35-40 grams a day through your food or a supplement, Krill oil or Omega 3, and a probiotic.

Additional tips to help you with a detox would be to buy organic fruits and veggies locally, if possible. Make sure to sweat every day for at least ten minutes, sleep at least seven to eight hours every night, and practice stress management daily through journaling and meditation.

**For the more free info on Fit 2 Love or to buy the book, please visit www.fit2love.info**

** there are also many ways/methods to do a detox- this is the one we use the most but we always recommend researching the safety and effectiveness of a cleanse you choose.**

I want to start off by letting you know that this video is my personal example of self talk.  I will add more to this blog in the future but I would love to ask YOU, how do you handle self talk?

Give me an example of something you did well OR ask for some help with a situation you are dealing with.

Comment below and let’s have a conversation about this very important topic!

There are times when I want to be Picasso in the kitchen, so I use many ingredients and enhancements to create a fiesta of flavors in my sauces.  When I was given these tomatoes, I found that I didn’t have  a lot of time so I decided to do this as quickly and simply as possible.  Wow!  I was in shock and amazement at the taste -I had to do it again and again and share the recipe with you.

Start by using a large deep pot (one big enough for the amount of tomatoes you have.  I used a small one the first time and this last batch was bigger)

The tomatoes were from my client’s garden but the onions were from our garden. I turn the heat on low, add some olive oil and lightly saute the onions first

Wash and cut up tomatoes and put them in the pot- saute in olive oil for less than 2 minutes.

You only saute the onions first to get that caramalized flavor- they will be cooked along side the tomatoes to make them softer.

Do not add anything else- no water or tomato paste necessary!  I used to use a little of both and since eliminating it all together, it makes this sauce so much faster and better!

What you can add is crushed garlic (or regular cloves of garlic), basil, oregano, salt, pepper, and anything else you may want in your tomato sauce.

I used fresh basil from our garden plus one or two frozen basil cubes from Trader Joe’s because I wanted more basil than we had!   I also used 1-2 heaping tablespoons of crushed garlic ( I love garlic) so if you only like it, I’d use less.

Cook this over low to medium heat for at least 20 minutes.  Because it splatters, I put the lid on.  This will keep the moisture locked in so when you want to thicken it after blending, cook with the top off.

I added pink sea salt and fresh ground pepper before I starting cooking but save the bulk of the salt and pepper for after it’s all blended so I can really only salt to taste.

Years ago,  I would have used a blender because that’s all I had.  Until recently my mother gave me a Cuisinart Smart Stick- I love this thing.  However, I did not like using it with mashed potatoes- it made the texture weird to me. ( prefer a hand mixer for mashed potatoes)

After the tomatoes cook, I turned the heat off.  This little gadget can be put right in the bowl or pot that you are using to make less mess and easier cooking- love it!

After blending it, I took the stick out and tasted it to see if I needed more salt and pepper. Once spiced the way I like, I turned the heat back on low, put the lid on half way, leaving it open to allow the moisture to evaporate, and cooked it for another 20 minutes or so until it was a little thicker.

Here is my finished product.  I LOVE homemade sauce.  It’s extremely easy and inexpensive.  Plus it’s healthier and more vibrant because we use organic gardening and this produce came right off the tree and from the ground and into my kitchen.

I will be bummed when tomato season ends here.  I do put the sauce in jars but I have not yet taken on “canning” yet so this sauce does have a shelf life in the refrigerator.

So start to finish, it take less than 1 hour but you can put a timer on for the 40 minutes it cooks (before and after blending) and do other things.  Just make sure to put on a timer that has a beeper so when you walk away, it WILL remind you with sound.

And I wouldn’t recommend you go too far…wouldn’t want you to burn the house down because I told you to multi-task!

Happy sauce making!

I have a feeling some of you can relate that to your diet and exercise program maybe??

Well none the less, I am now involved in a group where I am held accountable for posting new videos every week.   Today’s video is short since it was not really planned in my schedule but my deadline was quickly approaching.

Feel free to post questions or topics you’d like to see more information about. I plan to go through both of my books and pick out some of the information I give there in video form.

If you need some accountability on getting in quality exercise, attention to your daily diet, or how to shift your mindset so making healthy choices is EASY…. get in touch with me.   800 571 5722/  invisiblefitness.com

This week has had many great breakthroughs for me . I want to share this one with you in the format that it actually occurred because I don’t think I could have said it better re-writing it in the blog so I just gave you the whole interaction between JJ and I, with her permission of course.

To give you a quick background…I created a Facebook status update about the content of a guy’s profile I was paired with where his only profile content was that he liked sex and Harry Potter. JJ had a reaction to it. And I had a reaction to JJ’s reaction and so, rather than do my old stuff of binging and withholding, I communicated. It was hard especially because JJ is my coach and someone whom I respect immensely.  Funny thing is, she was coaching me when she probably wasn’t even aware that SHE WAS COACHING ME BIG TIME!

A dear friend brought to my attention last night that even if this lesson is the only thing that I get out of attempting to date, well, that’s pretty damn great! Through this process I have learned that there is nothing wrong with me. I can have an opinion. I can express my opinion and I can stay with myself in the face of disagreement with another. Here is the communication between JJ and myself. I’m proud of both of us.

(me to JJ)

hi JJ,

I need to communicate my feelings about the response to my FB post about sex and harry potter.  First of all on eharmony when you are “paired” with someone it doesn’t mean that he contacted  me or expressed interest in me (he did NOT) it just means that eharmony has paired us based on our profiles that we created for whatever reason so it’s not like these guys are contacting me and i’m declining the invitation. This is not the case, in fact, quite the contrary. I became very angry reading the first two sentences of your response b/c I felt that it indicated that I was getting a lot of interest and i was not giving these men a chance. the opposite is true. I have reached out (made the first move) to about 150 men with two responses. I’m doing my best to stay positive and hold it together and not allow this experience to validate old thought patterns about it being better to be single, etc. so far, my dating experience does validate all of my negative thinking about it and i try everyday to not give up and not give into those negative thoughts so then to read that I need to give THEM a chance was maddening! I’m trying to date but no one is interested thus far!  I would be happy to give them a chance but there’s been no opportunity to do so! I want to go on dates, many dates, to practice. and I’m contacting most people i’m paired up with but I’m getting no response. I will not give up but I think I need more positive comments from you on my dating posts, or no comments, whichever you prefer. but I am trying, I am contacting men and I am reaching out.  That’s the other frustrating thing is that I AM open, I have made my list for my ultimate guy, I had a 2-hour energy clearing on sat. to remove any obstacles from keeping my heart open and to attracting someone. I’m working it as best I know how. One of the cool things that came up for me around my reaction to your post is a stepping into knowing how worthy I am. I took a lot of time and energy to create my eharmony page. Even if mr. harry potter contacted me, i wouldn’t go out w/ him b/c that’s ALL he wrote on his dating page. I wasn’t interested in his profile so I’m not responding and I don’t have to respond just because he likes me (if he DID reach out to me). And what I learned in this thought pattern is that in the past I gave myself to people who liked me even if I didn’t like them. I was attracted to the attention. What I realized today is that I don’t need to do that anymore. I’m worthy of more than that. I’m worthy of dating someone that I AM interested. that was pretty cool to step into today. thank you for affording me that opportunity.
A.

(JJ to me)

Hey Audre
thanks for letting me know.  The way you posted it sounded really judgmental towards this guy and it seemed like contradictory energy to what you said you wanted.(acceptance from others)  It came off very much like you thought he was scum and I didn ‘t think that sounded productive or fair.

It’s a great thing to recognize your self worth, and I can understand what you are feeling. These are challenging times to break patterns and dig deep.  Learning our lessons in life is NOT easy and NOT pretty.

They are EARTH SHATTERING sometimes.  You have a lot of triggers and “old stuff”- most of us do.  That’s why I sent you the info on EMDR.

Didn’t mean to offend you, only here to help and be the mirror.  You were kinda mean about this guy.  You could have just said ” he is not for me” without making fun of him.

I hope you can understand how I am seeing it too.

Sorry to offend.

(me to JJ)

Hi JJ,

Seems like this small interaction is affording us big lessons! good! My two sentences affected you deeply and yours affected me deeply. Light to both of us!

I re-read my post and my experience is very different from yours. I don’t know him so I don’t think he’s scum. I have no judgments about him-I don’t even know him but I DO know that I wouldn’t respond to a guy who only put harry potter and sex as the ONLY content in his profile and no picture or name. I’m talkin’ nothing about what he wants in a relationship, nothing about him, what he does for a living…NADA. Therefore, I think the profile was a joke anyway.  And, I will continue to do posts like this. To me it’s funny and it’s about me coping through this using humor. It’s not about the other person. It’s not personal to these men. Like I said, I don’t know him/them. If this profile was completely filled out and this was a guy seriously looking for a relationship then, you’re right, that would be mean but this wasn’t the case.

I don’t feel I was mean and I didn’t feel like I was making fun of him. Interesting the different filters we have! That’s what makes us all individuals.  Hope we both get great learning out of our deep reactions.

Thanks for your apology but I would like to THANK YOU FOR OFFENDING (which you didn’t offend, you just said what you said and I had a reaction–that’s MY responsibility–and your intentions were loving and supportive which I TOTALLY GET) because it stirred A LOT w/in me and it’s actually having me step stronger into myself more than ever and providing me with great clarity. My biggest issue is being mis-understood. I hate when my intentions are good and they are experienced by others as hurtful. It leaves me feeling sad, angry, frustrated, agitated, and more…and the great thing is that I cannot do anything to fix it or change it for the other person. All I can do is stay steadfast in who I am and stay strong in knowing what my intentions are and, especially now, DO NOT EAT ON TOP OF THOSE FEELINGS! So, all of the above got triggered by your feedback and I have NOT over-eaten. So, again, I thank you. I need this. I need to have differences w/ people and learn to stay in my body and not abandon myself. When I used to have differences w/ people I would make it seem like I’m agreeable to all so everyone will like me—and THEN EAT ON TOP OF THAT SELF-ABANDONMENT. I’m not going to do that anymore. When I have differences, I will hear them, double check w/in myself and either apologize, admit I’m wrong or I will say ok, you have your thought and I have mine but I’m not going to abandon myself to make you (not YOU but anyone) feel better.  Ok, now I’m crying!!! See, your input was a gift!!! thank you again.

I will blog about some of this.  I think this self-abandonment stuff is good for all to hear, especially women.
xo,
A.

For whatever reason last night was a tough night. I was feeling lonely, sad and very very tired. I worked a 13 hour day and stopped at Wendy’s on the way home. I was starving and exhausted which did NOT help in my judgment of food choice.  I will say that there was one good thing which was I ordered a Jr. sized meal and a small rather than the Super Sized adult meal plus the chicken nuggets and the apple pie…ok PIES….as I did in the past.  I felt satisfied after eating it and slept like a rock.

And then…

I could hardly wake up this morning.  It literally took me about 5 minutes just to get my eyes open. My face and eyes were swollen and my body felt like it had a MAC TRUCK sitting on it. I felt heavy, puffy, tired and did I mention HEAVY? It was different than feeling FAT it was a heaviness that made each movement a challenge for me.

YUCK! I LEARNED MY LESSON!

So, this morning the protein bars and apples made it into my purse and will live there indefinitely so that I do not find myself without food easily accessible when I’m tired and exhausted because I know that I will be in that position again. It’s unavoidable with my current lifestyle. So, I need to plan and make changes accordingly.

Feeling very lonely lately and feeling as if my life is passing me by. Sometimes when I let my thoughts get the best of me I start to think that 39 is really old and I wonder if I’ve missed out on a lot of things by letting my weight and my dependence on food stop me from really living how I want to live. Would I have the man and family by now? Would I be in a different job or NO job and be working for myself as I have always dreamed? Would I be more successful on all levels? Would I own a home by now? Would I be more naturally active by now?  Would I be out of debt by now? Would I have written that book I’ve always wanted to write by now? Would I be on my way to being the skinny white Oprah by now?  OY! OY! OY!

Then, I have a choice. I can go deeper down that path and get depressed and go visit Wendy again and again and again or I can choose a new thought and look forward rather than backward.

It’s much easier to choose the more positive thought without a Jr. Double cheeseburger in my belly.

Lesson learned.

Lately I’ve been feeling pretty even keel, even flat and dare I say boring!  I haven’t been having my emotional highs and lows to which I attribute a major reduction in the amount of sugar that I used to eat.  I am also not over eating and not emotionally eating as much as I used to. I’ve been taking much better care of myself in all areas. I’m making sure that I get daily exercise outside and am enjoying this new way of life.  So, since I’ve been feeling boring or settled I’ve been feeling that I don’t have much to say or write.  I’ve been more quiet within myself and been enjoying just “being.” Are you up on your “woo-woo” insurance cause you may need to be for this post! Oy!

I’ve almost come into a place of calm or peace with myself and trusting that everything is going to be ok and that everything that I am going through is for my highest good, learning and upliftment.  There is a peace that wasn’t present before.

Don’t get me wrong! I’ve had my moments!  I’ve had a couple of times when I have eaten because I was anxious, nervous or felt out of control but I have quickly bounced back into my healthy eating which is a huge change from going on a 2-week binge and falling back into, “My diet starts Monday” way of thinking.

Thank goodness for JJ’s support.  Being accountable to her and to myself has been a great help for me.  Consistency has also been the key. Remembering that, yes, I may have lapsed into “bad” eating but I think about how far I’ve come since the beginning of this journey and it gets me back on track.

Something has clicked for me. I don’t want to go back to the old way of eating in the past. I want to be healthy. I want to take care of myself. I want to make myself my #1 priority and I want to treat myself with love and respect and I want to have confidence in how I feel and how I look.

So, I continue with one day, one meal, and one challenge at a time.

Last night was the first night in a long time that I was out with friends and I felt beautiful.  Rather than sitting there and comparing myself to others all night and wishing that I was skinnier or more____ or less______, (fill in the blank…I could think of upteen things!) I was just happy to be exactly who I am and proud of the path that I’m on.  Dare I say, I was comfortable in my own skin (tears).

As for dating, over a week went by and I realized that I had not even checked my online account. I’ve been focusing on me and that has felt so good lately that it’s taken up most of my time and attention.

And I deserve every second of it.

Results are in. After the first two weeks of JJ’s 6-Week Beach Body Cleanse I’ve lost 6 pounds! And that’s even “cheating” for two days of it! Doh!

Feeling much better today. Less tired. 

I was thinking about what I posted last night about how my moods have been much more level.  I attribute that to not eating as much (hardly any) sugar.  Even if I didn’t lose one pound but had the benefit of not feeling like I’m on an emotional roller coaster…THE CLEANSE WAS WORTH IT!!!!

My cravings have decreased immensely. I crave protein over sugar.  Still waiting for more energy to kick in but I think it’s that I still have over 100 pounds to lose and I work like a mad-dog. Long hours-LONG days!

Proud of myself.